soufflesandbowties:

50% of my jokes are self deprecating and 50% are self congratulatory like i’ll say “wow its hot in here…. just like me” and 5 seconds later point at a trash can and say “me”

(Source: soufflles, via balconyscene)

lameborghini:

tampons are so expensive why do i have to spend 8 dollars to shove some cotton up my vag…..fuck capitalism actually

(via balconyscene)

  • Guy in my class on the topic of the school trip: Wait. There's only two beds per room? Whoa. No way. I am not sleeping with one of you. I'm not, like, gay or something. Cant we just pay for another room? Like, I'm not gay.
  • His friend: Dude just because we're sharing a bed doesn't mean you're gonna be waking up to a fresh cup of my dick up your ass

hennyjones:

heavenlypost:

can the united states just chill for one day

Nigga the USA hasn’t chilled since fuck boy Chris sailed his ass here by mistake

(Source: naho-tan, via meggibrirose)